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Trying My Hand at a Synopsis. What Do You Think?
Amber J. Wolfe
Posted: Friday, July 17, 2015 12:26 AM
Joined: 7/24/2014
Posts: 539


Thanks to Perry's help, I have an updated synopses to show. This is the revised version, on which he did most the work:

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

Taint is sweeping through Drugara and nobody can stop it . . . except DESTINY.  


 

Defined by a childhood of abuse and manipulation, Destiny, a dispassionate daemon who binds three souls within her--the goddess, the predator, and the mortal--serves as a remorseless assassin for the Four Nations. Mortals and celestialites, a humanoid race who share distinctive physical and behavioral traits with animals, are at war over land and racial differences. Destiny is tasked with traveling Drugara with her band of White-Blood Knights destroying the creatures wherever they're sighted. Her only solace in all the carnage is ARABELLA, who sees her as a sister rather than a monster to be feared, and her inner predator, who grants her a feral outlook.  

 
 

 The Knights mistake Destiny for a witch practicing necromancy and attempt to slay her. They kill her horse and threaten Arabella in the process. Destiny calls in the forest celestialites and flees on horse with Arabella, and those left behind are slain. She and Arabella seek shelter at Destiny's mother's old cabin in the woods, where they stay for three weeks, avoiding discovery from the Four Nations.  


 

On their last day at the cabin, Destiny has a premonition--that a small army of White-Blood Knights is riding up the mountainside and toward the cabin, guided by the Binder who'd convinced the others she was evil.  

 
 

Destiny is determined to remain free, and she and Arabella flee once more, only to be attacked by forest celestialites. She dispatches them, but suffers many injuries in battle. A Knight, hidden in the bushes, releases an arrow and kills Arabella. For the first time, Destiny feels true emotion--rage and distress. Arabella's dying wish was for Destiny to live, but Destiny determines to let herself bleed out so she can join Arabella in the Void, the place for departed souls. She almost succeeds, until outside sources manipulate time and space to save her.  

  

After three-hundred years she awakens at night in a pouring rain, lying flat on her stomach, and learns she's in a village lane. Dazed and disoriented, she sits and tries to remember how and when she'd come here.   


 

Before she can, an alarm sounds and men pour out of cottages, carrying witchflame torches. Destiny attempts to flee but is cornered in an alleyway, with the men crowding in behind.

   

ARASHI, a stigmaton--half mortal, half celestialite--breaks through the crowd. Then KARISSA, a Dark Elf stigmaton who resembles Arabella almost perfectly, arrives on the scene. Destiny sees the resemblance and wails. She is disgusted with her own show of emotion, and through willpower she brings herself back under control.  

  

Shouts ring out. Darklings, a vile manifestation of evil, are attacking the village. Prodded by her predator, Destiny meets the Darkling in combat and is badly injured. She passes out after purifying the Darkling.   


 

After more than eighteen hours unconscious, Destiny awakes in horrible pain. It takes more than a week while under the care of Karissa, who's a physician/alchemist, for her to heal. In that time, she learns that she's three-hundred years in the future, the war between the celestialites and the mortals have been settled peacefully, and both races live together without prejudice.  

  

Weeks later, Karissa and Arashi approach her about purifying their village. She agrees and is disturbed by the patches of taint she passes while on the way to the center of the settlement. After purifying the land, she discovers that the town is in dire need of a Light Nythpath to protect them against the Darkling scourge that's been besieging their village for the past three years. As Destiny is a Light Nythpath, it's evident the villagers hope and expect her to remain. 


 

For a time, she seriously considers it, but when a band of necromancers attack and she gives in to her predator's bloodlust, slaughtering them all with a vengeance, the villagers fear her. Knowing she would no longer be welcome, she determines to leave.  

  

Arashi and Karissa beg her to stay, not intimidated by the predatory display of vengeance. But Destiny is adamant--the villagers feared her, so they could never accept her. Recognizing she's right, the two compromise and ask her to at least accompany them to Brightwood, Yuthania's capitol, to petition them for the protection of a Light Nythpath.  

  

She agrees.  


 

On the journey, they find more villages have been plagued by Darklings. Destiny, drawn by the land's cries, purifies the villages hurt most. As they travel through a forest, they're set upon by umbra--animals that have been twisted into dark creatures who attack mortals without fear. Outraged to learn of the animals' suffering, she turns on Arashi, who knew about the umbra from the beginning and didn't tell her.  

  

They settle without bloodshed, but before they leave the forest, Destiny is hit by a crippling pain, one that weakens her and entices the umbra to attack once more. They barely escape the assault. Once out of the forest, the pain becomes too much and Destiny collapses.  


 

Arashi and Karissa see her through the pain. After many hours, she wakes and finds she's given birth to a heart-shaped crystal, which she later learns is a vessel meant to aid her in purifying Drugara of the taint besetting it.  


 

At Brightwood, they approach the Green Court about supplying Ravenswood with a Light Nythpath. They refuse, saying they need the Light Nythpaths at the larger, more prominent holds throughout Yuthania. Unable to convince the Court to reconsider, they leave, discouraged.  


 

Later one of the Light Nythpaths, CIVILA, approaches them, telling them she wishes to return with them to their village--the Court couldn't stop her, because they knew that crossing a Light Nythpath with her mind set on something could lead to a lot of misfortune.  


 

With her part done, Destiny, listening to the urgings of the Crystal Heart, takes leave of Karissa, Arashi, and Civila to travel the four corners of Drugara hunting out impurity. She enters a world of chaos.  

 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 I know it still needs a lot of work--Like Perry told me, I've put too much description in about the different races, and I'll be shaving that off.

 

So what do you think? Crap? Good? Perfect? Horrible? Opinions, please! And your thoughts

 

 Amber

--edited by Amber J. Wolfe on 7/17/2015, 10:21 PM--


TheresaReel
Posted: Saturday, July 18, 2015 10:33 AM
Joined: 10/7/2013
Posts: 65


I think it's a good start.  I hate writing a synopses.  I hate having to compress my story into bits that have to grab an agent's attention.  It is a bit too descriptive.  Simple is probably best, but keep in the action to grab the agent's/publisher's attention.  You might want to give more information on the birthing crystal part; I know I would like to know more.
Amber J. Wolfe
Posted: Saturday, July 18, 2015 11:45 AM
Joined: 7/24/2014
Posts: 539


Thanks for the thoughts, TheresaReel. I'll keep in mind about the crystal--I didn't add more because I didn't have room to go into detail there. Once I shave off the bulky descriptions, I'll have enough room to add that. Thanks again.

 

Amber


Mimi Speike
Posted: Sunday, July 19, 2015 9:44 AM
Joined: 11/17/2011
Posts: 1014


I need to think about it, and to get into my head what a synopsis should consist of. 

.

Once again I am beguiled by how lyrically you write. Once again I am flummoxed by the intricate mysteriosity of your story.

.

I'm asking myself, what would a synopsis of LOTR look like? 

 

--edited by Mimi Speike on 7/19/2015, 1:03 PM--