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Quotes From Your Story
GD Deckard
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 9:12 AM

Post here lines from your own story that you  particularily like.

A reader often remembers a line or two from a book they enjoyed. When they quote you, that promotes your work. Personally, I tend to remember lines that go to the nature of the work, or are fun & easy to remember or even a bit poetic.

I'll start with three from my story. (The Phoenix Diary is hard science fiction.)

“The consequences of the Big Bang should have flowed like rows of falling dominoes; the physical universe should be predictable. But it ain’t, because intelligent life forms are messing with it.” – Ambrose Phoenix

"Wait! The Ubilaz are from the stars?"
"Yes, but who isn’t?"

A harpist played with great sensitivity, the music blending around the conversations without disturbing them like water around wading birds.

Marc Poliquin
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 11:20 AM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 67

Hi, GD:

Great idea for a thread.  Here are three of mine from The Fate Merchant:

"You're going to be okay!  I don't officially know CPR, but I watch a lot of medical drama." - Jasper Kravitz

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There were some phrases that Frank expected to
hear throughout the course of the day, phrases like, “Good morning” or “The
bathroom is down the hall to your left” or “It’s twenty bucks for a lap dance”,
but “You’re going to die” was not one of them.

“Hey, cheer up.  There’s a good chance you just saved my life.”

“Great.  There’s also a chance I just caused Roy Harper’s murder.”  - Frank Sullivan to Jasper Kravitz

Marc Poliquin
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 11:21 AM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 67

Sorry about the weird formatting.

Timothy Maguire
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 12:10 PM
Joined: 8/13/2011
Posts: 272

This is a good idea. Here's one from Scales:

I said with a finger raised in correction and he laughed.
that sounds a lot better,” he said with a grin. “Got to remember
to cast myself as a good guy.”

And one that kept me amused from Orrery (actually the entire conversation worked for this):

“Ambassador,” she needed
words, the right words that would distract him or change his mind,
“it would be my honour to spar with you, but at the moment I am
busy.” Those probably weren't them.

Mimi Speike
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 1:23 PM
Joined: 11/17/2011
Posts: 1014

Once again, thanks for the heads up, GD.

What to present? That's tough. I have so many favorite bits. I'm probably going to post something which is not yet up, something from Sly's travels across England in the company of a ragamuffin,  a spiteful pig (his destiny is to be eaten, after all), and an equally testy cow.

Timothy Maguire
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 2:32 PM
Joined: 8/13/2011
Posts: 272

Can't wait to see it Mimi! (though the whole thing with the testy cow is reminding me of the book I'm reading right now about zombie cows)

Here's another quote from Scales that basically defines the main character:

'Some girls leave Catholic school with the urge to rebel. I, instead, feel naked without a tie on.'

LeeAnna Holt
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 3:46 PM
Joined: 4/30/2011
Posts: 662

From Hands of Ash:

"Fucking compass." - Tao"s introductory line

I'll think up more later. That's just the one off t he top of my head. When I think about it, I might just sit here and copy down Tao's lines.

I'd like to add another part to this thread. If you remember any lines from someone else's work on BC other than your own, post them here.
Angela Martello
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 5:55 PM
Joined: 8/21/2011
Posts: 394

Here are some bits from "A Kaliphian Matter: Revelations" (book 1 of the triolog

A stray strand of stubborn sunlight
broke through the gathering clouds and reflected off Ben’s glass-like green
eyes, making them more striking than usual; making them almost other-worldly.


“Your grandmother forced us to have the union
dissolved. Fortunately for you, she died before anyone learned of your mother’s
pregnancy. If she hadn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Emperor Lazan
to his son, Zephtep ai Lazan


“It’s Corps HQ. It’s one of the most secure facilities
in the galaxy. . . I’m being dense again, aren’t I?” Ben suddenly recalled his
conversation with Zeph outside the courthouse the day of his hearing and Azar’s
state the night he came for Ben.

Jeremy cocked an eyebrow and smiled slightly.

“It’s one of your endearing qualities.”

Part of a
conversation between Ben and Jeremy.


“Kings, wizards, scared cooks, prophecies. Do you
have any idea how ludicrous what you just said sounds? We would probably be
laughing right now if it weren’t for the fact that, in a few hours, if I don’t
die, I may kill the man in the center of all this absurdity.”

Zephtep ai
Lazan to Jason MacAllister hours before the forced


(I'm sure the formatting will be a mess; always is when I cut and paste from Word. . .).

LeeAnna - I like your idea. I'll have to spend some time going back over the works I've read on BC.

Angela Martello
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 5:56 PM
Joined: 8/21/2011
Posts: 394

Yep. Formatting is a mess.

Nicki Hill
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 6:53 PM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

Love it!  I have a handful of bits in Strain that I think came out pretty well.  Apologies in advance for any formatting issues, since it seems to be a trend. 

“That’s...really cool,” Trev said, painfully aware of the fact that Noah had just dropped some heavy personal shit on someone who was so shut up about his own issues.  “I...I don’t have any family,” he blurted, hands clutching spasmodically together in his pocket.  “I’m a foster kid.”  He took a few anxious steps toward the stage, wanting to show Noah that he could be slightly less of an antisocial basket case. (Trev apologizing the day after going off on Noah for the first time.)

“Okay.  Okay.  You’re not dead.  Good.  That’s good.  But you’re...”  Nina leaned in and sniffed.  “Definitely drunk.  You’re smashed, Trev.”  She moved back.  “Oh.  And so’s the bottle.  That’s why there’s glass.  Okay.”  (Trev's foster mom dealing with finding Trev after a bad episode of flashbacks.)

“What label?” Trev said stubbornly, now refusing rather than unable to meet Noah’s eyes.  He was daring Noah to say it, he knew, and he wasn’t sure how he was going to react if he did.
    Trev’s head snapped up, but Noah went on before he could say anything.  “Or maybe you’re not.  Maybe you’re bi.  But either way, you’re interested in another guy, and there’s nothing hetero about that.  Which, incidentally, is still just another label.”  (Noah pushing Trev to admit that he has feelings for him after repeatedly refusing to acknowledge them.)

“What about you, Trev?”
    He looked up, blinking quickly.  “What?”
    Chelsea smiled.  “What are you like?  What kinds of things do you like to do?”
    “Um.”  He cleared his throat, squirming a little on the bar stool as he thought about some of his previous occupations.  I like to get drunk.  I like to cut myself.  I like to attempt suicide about two or three times a year, when I can’t stand living in my head anymore.  He glanced at Noah.  I like to make out with your brother(Trev, at Noah's house, meeting his older sister Chelsea for the first time.)

Nicki Hill
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 7:04 PM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

Angela, your quotes got me interested in taking a look at your work...and I am sucked.  In.  So, thanks for that - I totally needed another distraction from my own writing.  ;P  Seriously, though, it's fantastic so far.  I'll leave a review when I get through the first book.

And Marc - same to you.  Thanks a lot. 

Angela Martello
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 7:27 PM
Joined: 8/21/2011
Posts: 394

Thanks, Nicki. I'll be sure to take a look at yours as well.

Marc Poliquin
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 9:18 PM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 67

Hi, Nicki:

Thanks.  Really appreciate it.  I'll definitely take a look at your work, as well.


Angela Martello
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 1:42 PM
Joined: 8/21/2011
Posts: 394

Wish there was a way to "thumbs up" GD's original post.

Mimi Speike
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 2:14 PM
Joined: 11/17/2011
Posts: 1014

Is there a place on BC for short, sweet, verse?

Frankly, On Gaudy Night, not yet posted, is neither all that short, nor all that sweet. Here's the introduction:

On Gaudy Night, at summer’s height,
it'd said that anyone with any sense is snug abed.

Hobgoblins, nasty things, cavort. Beware! 
As much as you might long to spy on them, forbear!
To cause distress, to damage, to destroy, to injure,
gives these fiends their greatest joy. 

The Pixies, on the other hand,
amuse themselves with gentler antics.
Mostly, they confuse.
Delusion is their penchant.
They delight in hocus-pocus.

if despite my urgent warning to retire,
you insist to eavesdrop, 
if you’re foolish, if you can’t resist,
we’ll have ourselves a peek
at, hopefully, benign proceedings:
merrymakers, met to dance ... and dine.

Laura Dwyer
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 3:44 PM
Joined: 1/10/2012
Posts: 192

Okay, once again I feel out of my element in sharing, since both of my WIPs are so full of bloody gashes and stitches from editing that they look like Franken-books, but okay...
(This is from The Job, where my cop Ann is getting reprimanded for her questionable methods.) 
"Says here that on the eleventh you kicked a prostitute in the face."
"She was trying to run from me in those hooker heels, Sarge," Ann answered with a smirk, recalling the rather comical scene of the woman attempting to flee wearing a plastic miniskirt and eight-inch, neon pink heels. "She fell, and when I got close she grabbed my foot. I tried to keep my balance and her face got in the way. End of story."
(This one is from the beginning of Aequitas, my reaper fantasy work.)
No music played, no conversations bubbled, no technology hummed, though it was commonplace in the outside world of humans. Only a distant rhythmic drip of water somewhere in the stone fortress punctuated the silence, until the soldier of death gently lifted her scythe from its hanging place. The weapon sang a quiet, one-note tune as it met the air, as if happy to be freed from its special wall-mount.

Sorry those are long.

Tom Wolosz
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 7:16 PM
Joined: 5/25/2011
Posts: 122

Hello All,

Great thread.  Here are three quotes from Agony of The Gods:

The Apprentice trying to explain to the Enforcer how a heretic can challenge a God:

“When you’re already in Hell, the threat of being sent there has no power over you.”  

The Director discussing the Enforcer's early careeer:
"Never really stood out, but then again a mediocrity amongst mediocrities is not unusual."

Finally, the Enforcer realizing why the other Gods would be so concerned about one who kept his world secret:

It was strangely silly, yet somehow logical, that in a universe of paranoids paranoia would be suspicious. 

LeeAnna Holt
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 7:34 PM
Joined: 4/30/2011
Posts: 662

Okay, I've got more. These are also from Hands of Ash. I apologize for any spoilers I may introduce. Most of these are from the newer chapters I'm working on because I don't have the patience to go through the other 100,000 words I've previously written.

From a conversation between Melody and Adamar after she runs away from her kingdom. A reviewer thought it was funny, so I decided to post it.
"Might I ask what the agreed upon lie was?" Adamar asked.
"I'm in the country thinking over this marriage. It's the only thing I could think of that sounded the most legitimate. If half the people in that court had brains, they'll be searching for me by midday, but they don't. So I give it two days."
"Has anyone ever told you that you have a very low opinion of people?"
She gave him a wry grin. "Thanks for the compliment."
"You're a really bitter person."
"Yes, Melody?"
"Shut up."

Tao in response to Melody's awe of the massive front doors of Troja.
"That's dwarves for you. Always trying to compensate for being so vertically challenged."

Tao helping Thomas cleanse his soul from his previous possession.
With one hand he covered his nose. Karin smelled quite potently of cigarettes and alcohol, especially in this confined space. The monstrous bottle didn't help. He was glad she left her boots in the hall. "Are you sure this will work if you're drunk?"
"I do this better drunk."

And from the latest chapter I've written. I'm putting it here because I enjoyed writing it.

The group comments on an elf practicing the flute.
On the wall there was a guard, but he seemed more interested in playing his flute than watching for danger....
"I thought elves were supposed to be good at playing instruments. That guard really sucks," Tao whispered.
"He's only a little off key," Thomas responded.
Melody tried not to laugh. Tao was right. The music was tuneless with frequent starts and stops. It was as if he was trying to learn it. The elf girl cringed. "He really is awful."
"And he sits up there and tries everyday. Most of the village doesn't even hear him anymore. We just block him out. It's helpful that he isn't very loud," [Fred] said.

There are plenty more, most of them involving everyone's favorite foul-mouthed exorcist, but then my post would far too long. I hope this encourages people to read my work.
Marc Poliquin
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 8:36 PM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 67

And one more, a fun one from the next chapter of The Fate Merchant:

     Jasper stretched out on the couch and rehearsed his plea to Roy Harper.  "Mr. Harper, I know this is hard to believe, but at some point in the future, you're going to try to kill Frank Sullivan.  I was wondering if you could not do that."

Nicki Hill
Posted: Tuesday, June 12, 2012 11:52 AM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

So I got a new computer a couple of years ago and have been in the process of transferring files from the old to the new ever since.  I found a bunch of "gems" (read: what was I thinking??) on my flash drive the other day, and while they're really not going anywhere, I did enjoy this excerpt from a former WIP called Life in Transient Color:

So I was frolicking along through my field of smiling daisies when I remembered the phone call and checked to see if there was a message.  It had been my mother, which was odd to begin with because she never called me during the day.  She had given up on ever remembering my schedule, and it was pointless for her to write it down since it would just get lost anyway, so she opted to allow me to call her whenever I needed something.  Every once in awhile she would catch me in the evenings, when she knew it was far more likely that I’d be in my dorm trying to be productive, and that it would therefore be the opportune moment to distract me.  But even that was rare, and generally confined only to times when she had something that needed discussing, or, on one occasion, when she had just sorted through a box of baby things in the attic for hand-me-downs and apparently come across a boatload of things from my infancy that sent her spiraling back to nostalgic nineteen-hundred and eighty-six.  She had then felt it necessary to call me while I was actually studying – for once – for a chemistry test I had the next morning, and reminisce with me for an hour and a half and then contemplate my future, replete with children, for forty minutes or so more.  I didn’t have the heart to tell my mother that children might not ever be in the equation for me, mostly because it would have meant another indefinite period of time talking about my preferences in relationships and so on, and as it was I barely squeaked out a B- on that stupid exam.

Tom Wolosz
Posted: Tuesday, June 12, 2012 2:40 PM
Joined: 5/25/2011
Posts: 122

Hello All,

    Here's one more I came across while revising a chapter:  While discussing what the motivation of the murderer (killer of the Gods) might be, one suggestion is the desire to free the Prints (basically cloned slaves). The Apprentice argues that there is no evidence of rebel armies of Prints on any of the worlds of the Gods.  In response, the Enforcer just muses:  "Liberation did not have to come from marching armies. Sometimes all that is needed is a single death."
Nicki Hill
Posted: Tuesday, June 12, 2012 3:52 PM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

Some people's quotes here are so poetic!  To me, the sign of a perfect phrase is when I read it, then have to stop to take a deep breath to calm the warm, shuddery feeling in my stomach that I got from catching a glimpse of something otherworldly.  I don't think I've ever gotten to that point over something I've written, but I totally have a gold standard for shuddery quotes, and that's this one from Poppy Z. Brite's book Lost Souls:

"No," said a voice from the dark doorway.  A weary voice, a voice for speaking long after midnight, a voice to be used when all paths are blocked, when castles have fallen to ruin, when morning will not come again.

Hoo boy!  I loved that line so much when I first read it several years ago that voice4midnight actually became my blog handle for a time.  Someday, I can only hope that I write something that somebody loves as well as I do this phrase.

Ella Black
Posted: Wednesday, June 13, 2012 8:50 PM
Joined: 1/26/2012
Posts: 28

Thanks for sharing, all. Great stuff here! I'll play along:

From Café Trocadéro:

The shooting pains in her guts were making her slowly process that not only were they not going to be together forever-- or even for the long train back to London-- but that he had found someone else. He had told her that, like she was nothing, in the city of light and love. Where people went to get engaged, for heaven's sake, not dumped.

How would anyone even know if he took her to some scary warehouse to sell her into sex trafficking? She’d seen Taken
. And even though her dad was a piece of work, he definitely was not some ex-spy that could come save her. Still, this guy looked pretty safe.

“Are you going to kidnap me and sell me into slavery?” she asked, just to be sure.

“Um… no. I had not planned on that,” he half-smiled, amused.

Then, she realized no one could hear her because she didn’t know how to scream in French.

Plus, I love writing pretty much anything Marc has to say because he reminds me of a dear friend (and a bit of a diva) who completely cracks me up. And although it may seem like it at first, in the end I promise not to make him a caricature.

Nicki Hill
Posted: Wednesday, June 13, 2012 9:32 PM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

Ella, I haven't read all the way through Cafe yet, but I definitely remember bursting out laughing when I read that line about having watched Taken.  Her dream cracked me up, too, at the same time that I was feeling bad for her. 

GD Deckard
Posted: Thursday, June 14, 2012 6:40 AM

Rhia took the news of her father's murder like someone falling through the ice. There was a flash of panic in her eyes. She cried out and grief contorted her face. She struggled visibly. Then she went still, looking cold, the light in her eyes gone.
(The Phoenix Diary)
Marc Poliquin
Posted: Thursday, June 14, 2012 7:19 AM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 67

From The Return:

     Carl skidded to a stop, looked around, and saw Harry standing twenty feet to his left.  He stood with his head cocked to one side, as though listening for something.
     "I didn't know you could run that fast," Carl said, out of breath and eyeing the front of Harry's hunting vest, which was pulled tight across his bulging stomach.  "If there's ever an Olympics for fat people--"
     "Quiet," Frank said, holding up a hand.

Danielle Bowers
Posted: Thursday, June 14, 2012 8:04 AM
Joined: 3/16/2011
Posts: 280

From One Night in Nashville:

(Ben and Topher are just offstage at a concert watching the audience)
"It's not a good show until security is chasing a drunk guy like he's covered in donuts."  -Topher Novak


"Think before you say those words, lad.  This is a promise you cannot take back."  -Malcom

Kevin Haggerty
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 11:00 PM
Joined: 3/17/2011
Posts: 90

It's a curious exercise looking for lines in my book that I like that would somehow mean something and be memorable out of context. I find passages, paragraphs, but one-liners? Kinda have to get my head in a totally different space to do that--which cannot help but be a useful exercise, right?


It's a big house at the end of Crater Road, a street known for its big houses, in the kind of neighborhood that opens it's gates to the public once a year so they can drive around and watch their dreams die by inches.

There's a reek in the entryway I can't quite place, but it's both nauseating and causes me to salivate; not the most welcoming combination.

He seems almost too satisfied with that answer, nods his head continuously for maybe half a minute as I watch. It's a little mezmerizing.

"Don't take this the wrong way, old friend, but you seem hell-bent on denying the fact that I'm off my meds and functioinally psychotic."
    Somewhere along the way to getting said, that remark went from being high comedy to simple, desolate truth.

Thanks for starting the thread, GD.


Nicki Hill
Posted: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 9:18 AM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

Yes, one-liners are difficult!  There's definitely work to be done in tightening up the prose, methinks.  In the meantime, another couple of lines from Strain, where Noah is talking to Trev about coming out:

“Labels aren’t bad, Trev.  Sure, they give the general public a way to shuffle you into neat, simple boxes, when there’s nothing neat or simple about being human in the first place.  And sometimes people use them as an excuse to hurt other people whose labels don’t match theirs, or who are insecure about their own.  But recognizing who you are - there’s power in that.”

LeeAnna Holt
Posted: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 1:02 PM
Joined: 4/30/2011
Posts: 662

I've noticed that the quotes people pick are quite different in context. Some choose those to reflect character, others descriptions of their world or setting. What is the intent of the quotes that you choose? I chose mine to not only reflect character, but to reveal the style I'm shooting for. I don't know if I'm successful yet, but I hope I'm throwing in the proper "curve balls" to keep it amusing.
Posted: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 6:57 PM
Joined: 3/13/2011
Posts: 224

This is a bit gruesome, but I like the atmosphere it set for the scene it is in...

Twisted bodies covered the ground, a ghostly fog rising from the still forms. As though trying to reclaim life long-since lost, rotting bits of flesh and rags clung to pale bones. Corpses were piled on top of one another in an unholy tangle. Rats scampered over the midden and vanished down a large tunnel on the other side of the chamber.

A few of them had died recently. Their sightless, accusatory eyes bored into Terin. He jerked toward the tunnel. Sharp fragments of stone and bone pierced his feet with each step.

Posted: Thursday, June 21, 2012 7:10 PM
Adding to the slightly gruesome. Fever dreams are fun.

A cold wind blew from behind him, ruffling his sweat-soaked hair, cooling his fiery skin. Papers blew in it, most with music written on them in elegant lines.
 “Do you see what bringing him here did? All my work, gone.” The Red Priest said.
 “What, Rosso,” said the Fiddler. “I was meant to leave him there with the dead?”

 Harrmond shook his head. It was becoming hot again, hard to think. “Where am I?” he asked, turning around.
 Behind him was hell.

 At a table of ice they sat – two corpses so badly burned only blackened bone remained. One had a quill between its charred fingers. The other had a fiddle resting on its lap.

 “I told you he would scream,” the one with the quill said.
 And so he did.

Nicki Hill
Posted: Friday, June 22, 2012 5:22 PM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

A little bit of humor to bring some light to the dark. 

    “What are you doing putting pants on?” Noah murmured in his ear, sending shivers down his spine.
    “ were sleeping,” Trev pointed out, a little breathlessly.
    “No way.  I was waiting for you.”
    “With your eyes shut.”
    “The point is,” Noah said, turning him in his arms, “that these are in the way."

Colleen Lindsay
Posted: Monday, June 25, 2012 10:39 AM
Joined: 2/27/2011
Posts: 356

I love this thread, you guys! keep posting those quotes!

Nicki Hill
Posted: Thursday, July 5, 2012 4:07 PM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

I kind of like this little clip from a paragraph out of the new chapter 2 for Key Change (formerly Strains):

His eyes flew open.  Cal was standing in front of him, amusement draped across his face, and for a second Trev was ready to launch himself off the swing and pound the shit out of him.  And then he shook his head and his vision cleared, and it was almost worse.

And from chapter 4, finally, one sentence all by itself that I'm pretty pleased with:

His voice was as tight as his fists, and felt just as solid on impact.

Marc Poliquin
Posted: Tuesday, July 10, 2012 10:24 AM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 67

“Look, all I have to go home to is a mother and a game of Scrabble.  My mom likes to give me dating advice using the Scrabble letters.  I can’t go back to that right now.”  She drained bottle number five and whipped it into a corner.  “Let’s go be heroes.”  -- Callie Douglas from the as yet unposted chapter 10 of The Fate Merchant.

Carl E Reed
Posted: Tuesday, July 10, 2012 11:10 AM
Joined: 4/27/2011
Posts: 608

Brandon smoked, smoked, smoked his cigarette. “Okay.” He re-crossed his legs. “Of course, you’re not a trained psychiatrist. Doctors Haufe and Goldflies, however, have diagnosed Professor Reichart as suffering from—how’d they put it?—‘monomaniac narcissism complicated by sociopathic fantasies’. ”

“Sounds like a writer. Perhaps he’ll commit a manuscript.”

The Man Who Killed William Shakespeare

The boy bashed Major Havoc’s head against the ground.

“Stop!” cried the Major. “Urrp! Elp!”

Two more whacks of the pilot’s head into the hard-packed soil.

The boy raised the toy to eye-level again. “How do you feel now?”

“You are an idiot meat puppet of bone and blood, a lunatic fury dancing to the invisible conductor’s baton of violent omnivore genes,” gasped the Major, eyes wild.

The boy had to admit it, these new toys were made well. Windy, too.

—The Final Flight of Major Havoc

Professor Wilson, a gray-haired, peripatetic man in his early sixties, had once been asked what he thought of having children. He’d ruminated a moment, brushed his fiancée’s cheek with his lips and whispered, “A child, my dear, is the corpse of eros.”

The Strange & Curious Tale of Professor Robert Howard Wilson  

Nicki Hill
Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2012 8:07 PM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

Decked out head to toe in red and gold, she looked like a frumpy phoenix failing miserably to rise above the ashes of middle age.
~ Trev's impression of the high school secretary (Key Change, ch. 1)

The ghost tang of hot copper filled his mouth, and he swallowed spasmodically as if that would get rid of it.
~ Noah reacting to his own music (KC, ch. 2)

The air outside the dorm is cool and still and smells green, the grass relinquishing its sun-warmed scent into the night, and I take a deep breath to shake off the lingering tension.  As I stare out across the street to the freshman lot, a spark of yellow in my periphery transforms into a red glow as Jillian lights up.  She takes a drag, holds it, then exhales, and the smoke curls around me, acrid tendrils briefly obscuring the cars gleaming dully in the streetlights.  When she holds out the cigarette, I take it from her and inhale, letting the smoke fill my lungs.  It hides my words even better than it does the cars, and for a second I consider never letting it go.
~ Josh trying to deal with a failed attempt at sex (First Comes Love, ch. 1)

Only a handful of feet away, I feel him bristle, and when I look at him, his cheeks are flushed, jaw and fists clenched, and lightning is dancing in his bright blue eyes.  Oh, he cannot possibly be that pissed off about my flippant choice of moniker for his boyfriend.  Not when we have an entire historical continuum on which he can rate the relative douchebaggery of what comes out of my mouth.
~ Josh reacts to Cohen's reaction to calling his boyfriend a "boy toy" (FCL, ch. 1)

Marc Poliquin
Posted: Friday, July 27, 2012 8:52 AM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 67

Nicki, love that first line about the secretary. 

Nicki Hill
Posted: Friday, July 27, 2012 11:21 AM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

Thanks, Marc. 

Posted: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 11:35 AM
This is from a bit of prose that came to me while I was trying to straighten up something else somewhere else:

"That's why I think we need a reunion," I said. "But I still think we should ease you into the family. No sudden surprises. No visits with two hundred relatives you don't know."

His eyes grew round, and his jaw dropped. "Two hundred?"

Janell and I burst out laughing.

"What do I call both you?" he asked, his voice quiet, his features stern.

"Mom One and Mom Two?" I joked.

Janell said, "She doesn't mean that."

Allen pretended to consider the names, then smiled his beautiful smile.

I hit the top of his head with a paper wad.

Everything was okay.

Blakely Chorpenning
Posted: Saturday, October 20, 2012 11:10 PM
Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 26

I loved reading everyone's lines and excerpts!
Here are some of mine, long and short.

With the tan duffle over my shoulder, I slunk past waves of fans in the halls waiting for the show. Little did they know there wouldn't be one. Their amusement was slipping out the door in a pair of sunglasses and fuck-you heels.
  -Frayed: A Madison Lark Novella (adult paranormal/urban fantasy/shapeshifters)

"And how are you?"
"Asstastic. Thank you for inquiring."
  -Souled Out (new adult paranormal)

Here is a larger excerpt from Souled Out, which highlights some of the quirkier humor, though it is very serious at times.

Gabriel stared at me like I was the last Twinkie on earth. Not comforting. After waiting for Gideon's miraculous plan that never came, I thought of my own.

I talked low, like you would to a man on a ledge. "Gideon, he's your brother. Feed him."

He had the balls to look at me like I'd said, "Gideon, let's do a revival of Gypsy. That might cheer him up."

"He won't want my blood."

"Why not? He might rip my throat out."

"Yours is more...satisfying."

"Tasty. You were gonna say tasty, weren't you?"

After a moment he shrugged. "Yes, but this isn't an appropriate time to argue. We don't have much time."

Still trying to sound pleasant, I answered, "Well, it's your neck or mine, and he's your brother."

"But he's made his choice. He hasn't even acknowledged my presence -which, I would like to add, makes me feel like a third wheel.".

Posted: Monday, October 22, 2012 10:13 AM
Joined: 4/26/2011
Posts: 26

Great idea GD!

3 lines from AM SO AS: (A Meaningless Sequence)

First of all, my name is Oscar J Velikovsky (no relation), I‟m 18, and an American – but part Russian - also, part German-Jew (yeah, I‟m conflicted) and part-Chinese (!), so I‟m kind of, pretty random. Like, sort of an EveryDude, or whatever. I always wear a baseball cap, and jeans, and a faded old 80‟s videogame t-shirt - and last of all (and this becomes important, later in the story) - I'm DEAD.

Are all these “Black Holes” connected up somewhere? Like, some big Roman viaduct sewage-system of the Gods, or something?
So that, it all gets `channeled in together‟ - and they all spew that crap of ours out, into one new Universe..?
And - If so - does that mean there are just 2 Universes: i.e. - `Ours’ and `Theirs’?

Then, He read out the blurb on the back cover of Mansfield Jurassic Park to me:
“At dinner, when somebody uses the wrong fork, a massive rift is torn in the space-time continuum, and all these dinosaurs come pouring in. Several guests are devoured by dinosaurs - but eventually, the guests manage to seal up the rift, by intentionally making a faux pas with the Earl Grey tea (someone takes milk in it: huuuge gaffe). All the rampaging dinosaurs spontaneously explode, drenching the Mansfield Park manor in dinosaur guts. It seems `All's Well That Ends Well', until - at the Celebration Brunch, somebody uses the wrong spoon... The rift is once again torn asunder - and in pour a shedload of murderous, malfunctioning Yul Brynner robots from Westworld… The story ends on a nail-biting cliffhanger, as one sweet, eligible young spinster proposes to one of the deadly robots, mistaking it for a suitor.”

Hmm, not exactly lines, more like paragraphs
(Sheesh... I gotta tighten up my prose.)


Nicki Hill
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 10:40 PM
Joined: 4/22/2012
Posts: 175

From the current WIP, First Comes Love:

The beds are bunked against the left-hand wall, the top bunk already neatly made up with white sheets and a comforter that looks like a rainbow used it to wipe its ass.  My roommate has already laid claim to one of the twin desks pushed against the opposite wall, too, if the bamboo plant and the cup exploding with pens, pencils, and highlighters is anything to go by.  There’s not much I can do about his choice of linens, but I wander over and discreetly spin the cup before my parents can read the slogan.

Posted: Thursday, February 14, 2013 1:16 AM
Joined: 2/6/2013
Posts: 2

From my work in progress ~Nathaniel CopperPott and the Blacksmith's Son.

Who would have thought that magic would end on a Tuesday.~

The prosecutor began by turning to the jury and like a dirty rag he twisted out a tale of murder and deception.~

"Anyway I always get a nice tickle with the drunken ones. It's like having dinner with a fine barrel of wine. I sometimes rip open a barrel and dip them in grog for more of a kick. You should see their little faces dear brother. They most definitely looked startled, some even defecate. I put those back." ~the Left Giant

“So now I implore you my Lord, we must not execute him on the morrow. We must send him to the bowels of this purgatory and not to the afterlife. Once executed I fear the boy’s resolve to be so strong that his spirit will insurrect the creatures of the underworld and they shall rise up and spell certain doom to all.” The Goblin Keeper paused looked around and continued. “They will rise up challenging all that lives here and make sure we all die here. You see I fear the recourse in this matter. I have no power in sentence for the prisoners here at Blackheart. I can however counsel on what fate is imposed. Otherwise, once this is done I can only watch over the miscreants and keep your kingdoms safe. Mark my words, I know you love your son but heed this; the boy is pure in his deception and he belongs here for eternity not the afterlife. With that said, my belief is now known and my conscious is clear.

The Goblin seemingly exhausted from his speech to the King changed his grimace to a huge smile.

“Well… now, shall we move on so you can see your little beam of light?” ~Goblin Keeper

Posted: Sunday, February 17, 2013 7:20 AM
Joined: 2/15/2013
Posts: 11

This is from my book, The Other C-word:

One, in particular, caught my eye. You know those movies where the girl and guy catch each other’s eyes and the soft music queues while they exchanged love sick looks across a crowded room?  That’s bullshit.  My reaction to this man was stronger than any connection I had ever felt, but it was completely sexual.  There was no music, except for the drastic beating of my heart, which was not soft at all.  He bit his lower lip and I clenched the dampness emanating between my legs.  Sex was real, tangible, visceral and primitive. Love was mystical, elusive, vague, and obscure.  Sex was atmospheric, but love was ethereal.  I chose sex every time. 

Mark Williams
Posted: Thursday, February 21, 2013 3:20 PM
Joined: 2/21/2013
Posts: 3

Opening of The Puzzle of Grandpops, about a businessman who inherits a mansion and
property from his grandfather who died under mysterious circumstances. The
suspicious grandson later moves in and investigates the crime
personally. Eventually he begins to suspect the household staff and feels he is
getting closer to solving the case

As one of the richest men in the Bimini Islands of
the Bahamas, ninety-nine-year old Casey Harmon had led a full and rewarding life
until he was personally assaulted inside his home during a burglary. And then
suddenly the millions of dollars and good days of life seemed shorter and more
limited than ever before.

THE PUZZLE OF GRANDPOPS can be purchased
at-   ;

Timothy Maguire
Posted: Friday, February 22, 2013 11:00 AM
Joined: 8/13/2011
Posts: 272

Here's a short one I haven't even found a place for:

"If you're not careful, this is going to end in begging, screaming and pain," I warned. My begging, my screaming and my pain, I thought to myself in terror.
Laura Dwyer
Posted: Thursday, March 7, 2013 4:39 PM
Joined: 1/10/2012
Posts: 192

I love all of these comments and quotes, guys! Dang, we have some great writers here. Makes me all warm and fuzzy.

Okay, so I've got a couple more to add. These are from my fantasy work, Aequitas

 - "Well," Sanctus said. "This changes everything."

“I have no need for starting rumors. It will
take much less than that.”

Posted: Wednesday, March 13, 2013 6:13 PM
from my current WIP:

We spent a good chunk of the day watching movies and eating junk. Despite the circumstances, it reminded me of that Sunday alone with James. Only this time, with all of us, the awkwardness never made an appearance. The Grief Fog did, though. They told me I faded in and out. Like I would be part of the conversation and the next minute I wouldn't be in the room. I don't remember.

I did tell them something I'd had trouble admitting to myself but with them came spilling out.

At the beginning of this diary I said I have too many parents. Now I'm less one and less the two siblings I shared DNA with. None of this is my fault. I know that. I know that. I still feel horrible for complaining. The gods blessed me with multiple parents. I didn't appreciate any of them near enough. And I lost one.

Is it like that with everything? Do we lose the things we don't appreciate enough? How do we appreciate what we have more than we already do? How do we show that appreciation? If we do, will we be accused of overcompensating for our losses?

I'm going to bed now because I'm referring to myself as 'we'. We need more sleep!