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Dear Senpais... humbly asking for help
M Shimoji
Posted: Wednesday, September 30, 2015 8:43 AM
Joined: 9/7/2015
Posts: 6


As my profile says, I am new to this place. In fact, I am relatively new to writing. I have only been writing for three years and am finally getting around to truly understanding that things will never be perfect. Thus, I invoke my fellow readers and writers who have been at it much longer than I to come and read my script. The one I just posted is the third iteration of the book. If you would be the kind knight or baroness in shining armor, read as much as you can and give me general and specific feedback, that will be so awesome. I may just have to do a little dance jig in front of the computer if you would be so kind.

 
My goal in writing is to write a publishable quality book to give to my daughter (and another book for my son when he turns fourteen).

Amber J. Wolfe
Posted: Wednesday, September 30, 2015 1:21 PM
Joined: 7/24/2014
Posts: 539


Hi, M Shimoji

 

It's so brave of you to request feedback. I remember how I first felt waiting for someone to give my manuscript a review--excited, terrified, and hopeful that I'd be steered in the right direction.

 

I'm a big fantasy fan, so I'll take a look at your manuscript for you. It'll probably take me a week or more to get through it, depending on how far I read, and because I have other people who I'm actively reviewing for on other sites, but I'll do my best to squeeze you into the mix, as well. Feel free to PM me to ask how my progress is.

 

I'm going to send you a connection request, so we can communicate.

 

Amber


M Shimoji
Posted: Wednesday, September 30, 2015 7:14 PM
Joined: 9/7/2015
Posts: 6


Thank you so much for your time! It is a bit scary to have my "baby" sacrificed up onto the alter of critique, but I know it's for my own good. I have over 24,000 words so it may take a while, but please take your time. Also, don't hesitate to be honest. I'm a fairly objective and logical person so any critique I will take well. Honesty will help me much more. Besides, my goal in life is not to be an author, but to create a publishable piece for my children, so I'm quite willing to morph anything that needs changing. 

 

Note that due to my purposes, I'm writing for a teen audience.

 

Thanks so much!


Amber J. Wolfe
Posted: Wednesday, September 30, 2015 8:47 PM
Joined: 7/24/2014
Posts: 539


No problem! I'll try to read about a chapter a day, free time willing
M Shimoji
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2015 8:23 AM
Joined: 9/7/2015
Posts: 6


Again, thank you so much for your review! Anyone is welcome to leave a very honest review!
Mimi Speike
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2015 1:32 PM
Joined: 11/17/2011
Posts: 1014


I will look at your work. First off, I have a backlog of promised reviews that I am trying to finish, and alleviate the burden of guilt that I carry. Amber, yours is one of them.

.

Second, I have come to believe that I am not a good reviewer of YA. I take nothing on the author's say-so. I question things that many others find no fault with (as far as I can see). At sixty-nine, I am as far from YA as you can be, almost, but I don't think the YA me would have thought any differently. I am thinking, particularly, of a published book, out there, which I love, but for the opening. I've said, sorry, in this situation I am unable to put myself into that head, and that is a major problem for me. I should have commented on it while it was workshopped here, but I didn't get to it. But since it was accepted for publication by a real-world publisher, and all the reviews I've seen are stellar, once again I am the odd man out. So be it. A contrarian point of view is always a good thing to hear. You don't learn from the positive comments, you learn from the negatives.

.

I can believe anything, if it's supported, made understandable for me. I fear that removes it from the realm of YA. But I may be wrong. Maybe I need to get a larger sample, and see if my mania for logical behavior in the midst of the fantastical is an outrageous expectation or not.

 

--edited by Mimi Speike on 10/20/2015, 1:58 PM--


M Shimoji
Posted: Tuesday, October 20, 2015 6:33 PM
Joined: 9/7/2015
Posts: 6


Mimi,

 

I first of all would like to share my appreciation for taking the time to read my story. I do not assume that people would want to use their precious time in reading something that may not be beneficial, especially a work that is half baked like mine. I know I would not want to and hope that my work is at least critique-able, if you will allow me to create a new word. I would love to hear a critical review so that I may improve my writing. I only ask that it will be constructive, but I am sure you will do exactly that.

 

Although I have placed this work in the YA realm of Fantasy, since my purposes force me to do so, I believe you will find that I do not write like one. I do like simplicity in plot and a fantasy world devoid of "real life" drama if you will, but I write with an adult audience in mind. As Amber so aptly put it, I have vocabulary words and a style that might not fit a teenage audience, but of course that is for reviewers such as yourself to decide and not me. 

 

I am heavily influenced (I believe) by Dianna Wynne Jones who managed to write for children while entertaining adults. I will not dare claim that I have achieved her style, but please understand that she is my inspiration and someday, perhaps maybe in the distant future, I can finish a work that comes close.

 

I do understand that my writing is full of grammatical mistakes and I certainly do not take that lightly. However, English is my second language and I am still in the process of learning certain trends and mistakes I make. If you will take this portion of the critique lightly, that would be much appreciated. I have a friend here in Japan who is quite the editor and she is coaching me in this realm.

 

I apologize for this tome, but I again thank you so much for taking time to read my work. Please do not worry about the timing as I am quite patient.

 

M Shimoji


M Shimoji
Posted: Saturday, October 24, 2015 10:07 AM
Joined: 9/7/2015
Posts: 6


Thanks again for those who are following or have already reviewed my work. I appreciate even a sentence worth of critique both positive and negative. I can't thank those in this site enough.

 

I have updated my book cover and corrected things in the book that were grammatical mistakes pinpointed by marvelous critics. 

 

I do still want more readers to get a broader perspective, so if you will so kindly spare some of your time to read my piece, that will be appreciated. I have up to 6.5 chapters, but only up to 5 are truly polished in any sense of the word. 

 

Cheers,

 

M Shimoji


 

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