Workshop Your Query
Really need help with my query
I'm fairly new here, but it seems like the crowd on here might be able to really help me.
Writing a query is something I'm really not good at - but with my novel Edge of Reality now finished its something I really need to get better at.
I'm going to post two rough drafts I've done of a query for Edge of Reality and I'd love it if people could rip them apart, tell me what to keep, what to get rip of - or even if I need to start again from scratch!
Cara Page isn’t crazy. But considering she hears voices, there are those who would disagree. The truth is she only hears one voice. A voice that insists he is King Arthur, the Once and Future king.
Almost five years after her mother is committed to a mental hospital, diagnosed with extreme schizophrenia and unable to recognise her own daughter, Cara is convinced she is about to follow her there.
Until she meets Lance that is. Lance, along with his two hulking brothers, seems to understand Cara’s strange visions and voices better than she does.
When Lance offers Cara answers, she leaps at the chance, even if it means leaving her home and her father, the only family she has left.
As Lance reveals secrets that shatter Cara’s former life, she finds herself caught between two worlds, and saving one may mean sacrificing the other.
Caught in a web of myth and magic, Cara Page is about to discover that the line between reality and fantasy doesn’t exist, at least, not for her.
Edge of Reality is a YA Contemporary Fantasy that combines the myths and legends of King Arthur with a modern romance.
Chivalry isn’t dead, but Cara Page soon might be.
Cara has no way of knowing her mother’s mental illness isn’t natural, or there is anything more to her life than being the school freak show with a crazy mother.
But there is much more to Cara’s life – because Cara is the Last Pendragon. The last descendent of the legendary Once and Future King. Cara has a Destiny.
The barriers between the real world and the world of Avalon, home of the Fair Folk, are crumbling. And only someone with the blood of Arthur Pendragon, who can wield Excalibur, can stop it.
Cara won’t have to do it alone. The soul of the long dead King Arthur speaks to her, though that might just make her as crazy as her mother.
Then there’s Lance. Better known to most as Sir Lancelot, the ‘Perfect’ Knight. But Lance isn’t perfect. Far from it. He’s failed Arthur once, and there’s every chance he’ll do it again.
As Cara starts falling for the knight sent to protect her, she also must face the darkest, most dangerous things Avalon has kept hidden for thousands of years.
The problem is, Cara doesn’t want a destiny, she wants a normal life. But saving her normal world from the magic might mean sacrificing the one good thing to come out of it.
Lance seems happy to exchange his life for hers, but chivalry be damned, Cara is not about to play the role of damsel in distress.